I’ve heard a lot about how when you have kids you can’t go to the bathroom alone anymore. Well, no one bothered to tell me that the same can be true with your HUSBAND?!?!
We found out that our bathroom door lock is one of those locks that is basically just for show and to provide a false sense of security. Apparently, you can unlock it from the outside if you just twist it. It wasn’t very long until I had to start moving the laundry basket in front of the door if I wanted to be able to use the bathroom in peace, otherwise my husband would come in and have a full conversation with me while I am trying to go.
I remember my mom always used to say that my dad was her biggest child. I didn’t realize how accurate that statement was until I had one of my own.
Through all of this I have discovered the value and importance of alone time. When my husband and I started dating, we were together all the time. Well, as much as you can be when you have school and work and, ya know, seperate lives. Even then, it was super important for us to take time for ourselves, do things we enjoyed doing before we met, and make sure we were taking care of everyday life things, like laundry. We weren’t very good at it at first because we lived in the same apartment complex, so we never felt the need to really leave and do other things. We were just always there. It wasn’t long until we started realizing we weren’t eating well, we were spending a lot of money eating out, we hadn’t done laundry, we hadn’t spent time with our friends, and we were desperately low on energy from staying up so late.
Now that we are married, the everyday life things are much easier. Laundry is done, meals are cooked, bedtime is earlier, and waking up isn’t so bad when you wake up next to your forever best friend. That being said, it has NEVER been so important for us to take some “me time” throughout the week.
I think there is a serious misconception that newlyweds always want to be right next to each other, don’t have any issues with space, and share absolutely everything, down to the minute of their days, with each other. Thankfully, that’s not how it works. Maybe that’s how some newlywed couples feel, but I strongly believe that this is not how it works for everyone. If you and your new spouse don’t work that way, don’t think you made the wrong choice. It’s just going to make everything worse if you start doubting because you don’t have the fairytale life right away. Everyone needs self care, alone time, and personal space.
One of my favorite things I have ever learned is my own self-worth. I definitely am a people pleaser – I can’t help wanting everyone else to be happy!! Unfortunately, it got to a point in my life where I couldn’t be happy if everyone else wasn’t happy, too. I would cry myself to sleep sometimes because I knew that I didn’t please everyone that day. One comment implying the possibility of discontentment was heartbreaking to me and I would work hard to fix it. I was so focused on other people and how they felt around me that I frequently forgot what it even meant to take care of myself.
I know you’ve heard this about 5 million times, but you really can’t help others if you can’t help yourself. I wanted so badly for people to be happy around me, but when I wasn’t taking care of myself, I wasn’t a happy person to be around. Of course they weren’t happy! In marriage, I wasn’t able to take care of my husband past a certain point because I was so frustrated and frazzled from not having any time to myself for self care. It became really difficult for us to be able to talk without arguing because I hadn’t had a break for myself in so long and neither had he. We had reached our breaking points.
Real talk. If you want to change lives, you have to change your own first. It doesn’t make any sense that we constantly try to make people happier than we are. It doesn’t work that way. We can’t teach people to be better at math than we are. We can teach them what we already know, but they then have to make the choice to move forward and progress that knowledge. The more we know, the more we can teach them and the smarter they will be. The happier we are to begin with, the more we can help other people learn to be happy.
We are not perfect people. We have hard days, weeks, even months and years sometimes. But even on the worst days, we can find reasons to be happy. It’s during those most difficult times that we need to do whatever is best for us. If you’re already swamped with school work on top of your part time or full time job and keeping your house clean, maybe you don’t agree to be in charge of the halloween party this year. Maybe instead you take a book and go sit in the grass (or the bubble bath, whatever fits your style), and read for a while instead of making dinner. The world isn’t going to end if you take a few minutes for yourself.
You’ve got this friends. And if you, like me, have to push the laundry basket in front of the door for even a few minutes of peace, right on. Take a break, collect your mind, and feed your own soul before you starve while trying to feed everybody else’s.
*Bubble Bath Book Recommendation: “The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime”
I just finished this book about a month ago and it was absolutely incredible. I could not possibly recommend a better book! It’s been a long time since I had a book that I just couldn’t put down, but the writing in this book just pulls you in and the plot makes you wish it would never end. I promise it will not disappoint.